FUN IN FED
by Jessecka
Remember that rush of excitement you got that first time you learned something new in Fed? When you realized you could send someone a remote hug or smile? What about that first AK run that you completed? Yes, we love that feel of accomplishment we get when we master a new skill in the game. But after a while at the same rank, things can get a bit tedious, and no one really enjoys all that hauling, right? Well, there is a lot of interesting things in Fed II that can help relieve that sense of boredom, and give you back that sense of fun and excitement.
Fed II has a lot of exciting events. You see the write ups each week in the Star, but maybe you haven't tried one out yet. Well, you should! There are actually 8 different events that go on within Fed DataSpace, all on different nights of the week. Some of the events include Wacky Words, which can get quite funny if you haven't played before, Feddergories, and a brand new version of a game from Classic, the Magellan Cup. See the event calendar to find out when the games are played, and read descriptions of the events.
There are also a lot of neat places to explore. With new player planets coming online almost everyday, there are whole new worlds to visit and wander around. But I'm just a lowly commander, you say. Well, guess what. Everyone was restricted to Sol up until very recently, so there are lots of exciting places to explore right here. The Wilderness on Earth can be quite exciting. I recommend that you don't try and bathe in the hot springs there, like I did, since boiling water doesn't make the best of baths! The Ruins on Mars can be bewildering, so be careful, watch that step! Did you know that ropes can come in handy while exploring Rhea? Or that sometimes the most fun you can have is pretending to be laundry on Cube? Then there is always the elusive Star Base One. Many have heard of it, few have found it. Does it truly exist?
One thing that does tend to slip everyone's mind from time to time is that Fed II is a role-playing game, even though there are no set parameters for role-playing. Some of the best fun to be had in the game is coming up with a new persona, and role-playing that character. So you decide you want to learn what it is like being a big chicken. Put on those feathers, and start clucking mister, because that's how you learn. Make extensive use of the 'ACT' command, change your clothes and your mood, and get role-playing. Some of the most fun players to be around are the ones that always stick to their character, no matter what happens. One thing to keep in mind though is this... no matter what character you use in the game, each and everyone is subject to Fed II rules and regulations.
And how could I forget about the Magellan Society Treasure Hunt! A great way to break up the tedium of hauling, the puzzle is ideal for Commanders and Captains as a way to help them explore the universe. And let's be honest, Victor just looks so sexy with that magnet!!
ALTERNATE REALITY
by Vorlar
My subject this week is one that could be construed as polarizing. The subject is alts – or having multiple Fed characters.
Everyone knows that alts are allowed, and quite prevalent in Fed II DataSpace. Many of the well-known players are equally known for their alts as their primary characters to the point where they are almost interchangeable. So what effect does this have on the game?
Role-play, while not enforced or restricted is still practiced by some players. This bumbling newsdroid has tried in the past, for one. What effect do alts have on role-play?
No matter your side of the role-play coin, you'll have a hard time convincing me it's easy to do in Fed. We could discuss some other issues like the Comms which infringe upon it but in the end I think that role-play starts with the players, and the dissolution of the Fed role-play environment starts with alts.
A solution? Perhaps we can live in a world where alts are truly alts – manifestations of a player which don't bear an exact likeness to his or her other characters. And perhaps these alts could be manifestations that aren't used solely as pawns to further the advancement of their primary character.
I certainly won't argue with you the sense of satisfaction that can come from finding newer, faster ways to conquer the ranks. I can also see the benefit of experiencing Fed from multiple angles. But if the players with the powerful alts are going to form the core of our community, sometimes it would be nice if it weren't so easy to figure out who was who.
FED II EATERY REVIEW: THE HALLOWEEN PARTY
by RTG1728
As promised, my readers, this week I have an account of Diesel's Halloween gala, though I had to access my memory archives to recall the details of an event held so many weeks ago. This assignment – particularly the endless stream of food and drink – begins to wear on a droid's circuits after a while. My memory access isn't what it used to be.
In the opinion of this reporter, the celebration was a smashing success. Diesel's in-house decorators went all out for the occasion by fitting the walls with a covering that made them appear as if they were made of crumbling stone. The usually posh furniture was hidden by white sheets, and giant cobwebs could be seen in the corners. I suspect these were made by the robotic spiders which skittered along the floor.
The gloomy ambiance was heightened by the effect of flickering candles; luckily the open flames were shielded by some sort of force-field in order to prevent accidents. Further light was provided by a grotesquely carved pumpkin on each table.
Drinks were served by a waitstaff dressed as skeletons, the face of each fixed in the hideous grin customary to fleshless skulls. Even more chilling than this, however, were the drinks being served: a cocktail aptly named the Bucket of Blood. Being told the beverage contained real blood seemed to have no effect on the party-goers, as they quaffed vast amounts of the spicy, tasty beverage without any outward displays of squeamishness.
Delicious candy was also provided. There were toffees and sugar marsrats and some kind of candied alien squid thing, and of course chocolate, courtesy of the Magellan Station's Chocolate Heaven. My taste-sensors informed me that it tasted of perfect, cocoa goodness. Yum!
The highlight of the evening was undoubtedly the costume contest. There were a number of winners, and my inside sources tell me that the judges had a difficult time deciding, as all of the participants' costumes were exceptionally well-done this year. So, without further ado, let us recall the winners:
Sage won the catergory of Best Fed Related Costume for a costume modelling galactic economics, which involved a runaway train:
Sage wears a model of galactic economics in the form of a moving toy freight train set which proceeds through underarm tunnels of recession and narrowly avoids the derailing forces of cow-shaped pumpkin taffy externalities.
Catspaws won Funniest costume for her depiction of a cowgirl... err...cowcat... whatever. She did have a stuffed mouse in her lariat, so perhaps a mousecat? Now I'm just confused:
This feline wears a fringed skirt and shirt and has boots on her back paws. She wears a white Stetson atop her head, her ears peeking out of two holes in the hat. In her hand is a lariat wrapped around a stuffed mouse.
Darkangel took the category of Most Creative, for dressing as the game of Operation, complete with a pair of tweezers and a buzzer:
Wearing a flesh-colored bodysuit, a red clown nose, and a fake wig; Darkangel has felt pieces all over him in shapes of various pieces from the game Operation. He is also carrying a large pair of tweezers and a hand buzzer.
I never could get that funny bone!
Finally, Doggah won Sexiest Costume – though I would prefer to call it Most Frightening – for dressing up as Ashley Simpson. He even treated (or tormented) us with a live performance. Lip-synched, of course:
For Halloween, Doggah is wearing a blonde wig, a "belly shirt," a fake belly piercing, a pleated mini skirt, and heels. He's supposed to be dressed as Ashlee Simpson, but he looks utterly ridiculous.
As I said, the festivities were glorious, but there are more holidays, and more parties, in the near future, so let's all do our best to make them as successful as this year's Halloween party!
LOST IN THE WILDERNESS
by Jessecka
Ok, so we all know it's not that hard for me to get lost. Sometimes I would spend days on one AK run. I'm sure that being lazy had nothing to do with that though! I decided that I would check out this wilderness area that I've been hearing so much about. I heard a rumor that there was a hot springs there that was just to die for!
So, dragging my trusty droids along with tons of suitcases full of the barest of necessities, I signed up for the trip to the wilderness. Positive that even I could survive in the most hostile of terrains, I never even gave it a second thought when the guy asked me if my insurance premiums had been paid up. I handed over my comm unit, confirmed I understood things, and climbed into the shuttle to take me to the wilderness paradise. I really wanted to soak in these wonderful hot springs I heard of. I mean, hot springs are supposed to be famous for their healing properties, right?
Skipping down the hill, watching the bunnies scatter as I pass, the droids hurry to keep up with me. Just below the hill I command the droids to set up a camp for me, while I wander around, looking at the scenery. I pass over a bridge, and begin to follow a trail, even more bunnies popping up around me. As I was watching one very fat bunny scamper off, I lost my footing and twisted my ankle! Oh no! Now, I'm such a wimp when it comes to pain, so I begin to frantically call for help on my comm unit, but it seems to not be working. I decide to just wait - surely someone will come looking for me soon.
After spending a cold night out in the darkness, I decide I am going to have to save myself. Shivering and hungry, I stumble along a path, unable to remember which direction I came from. Silent eyes stare out at me from the underbrush, urging my feet onward in case they decide that they are hungry. Suddenly a wild boar rushes across my path, causing me to falter. I look up and find some delicious looking berries... mmmm. Face stained with berry juice, I press onward. Finally, starving and hurt, I manage to make it back to my camp, only to find my droids all gone fishing!! Rushing up to the top of the hill, I call for the shuttle to return and bring me out of my nightmare.
Now, sitting here in my treehouse, it seems like a dream. The bunnies, the berries, the boars. And I didn't even get to see the hot springs. Maybe next time. Or maybe I should just stay out of the wilderness.
HOW TO MESS UP YOUR PLANET, IN ONE EASY LESSON
by Hazed
If you want to ensure maximum chaos and confusion when your new planet first links, do make sure you neglect to read the part of the manual which explains how to open the system up so visitors can visit:
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Furgas, "dilconia is now open"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "been waiting for you Furgas :)"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "but you can't still get there"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "you need to open the system as well Furgas"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Furgas, "there we go"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "hmmm"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Bella, "you need to be on the space map, furgas"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Furgas, "ok"
Then make it hard for those who want to do business in your exchange:
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "the exchange isn't working"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "i'm there. checking the exchange now"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "intresting, i can check one price at a time, but there isn't no scroll or futures showing"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "the exchange is in the overlord office"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Bella, "someone put the exchange in the wrong place?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "looks that way"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Furgas, "yes"
Finally, if you want to really, really, REALLY piss off your visitors, put in a room you can walk into, but not out of, thus trapping them so they have to suicide to get out!
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "okay, i guess that wasn't a good idea"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Bella, "what wasn't?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "finding the royal bedroom"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "u, d, in, out doesn't work"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Zand, "on what does it not work?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Furgas, "i told you to avpoid it"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Zand, "ah"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "lol, i didn't know it was that bad"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kella, "Living on the edge, again, Prom?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "oh yeah baby"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "living dangerously"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Furgas, "when i said you had to leave by medical help didnt give you a hint"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Phedre, "lol"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "i think i missed that part"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Phedre, "I did that by accident on my planet in classic"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Prometheus, "need to make sure i'm insured"
Follow these simple rules and you are sure to deter visitors from ever coming back to your planet!
RETALIATION OF THE PURLOINED FELINES
by Catspaws
Felines across Fed were up in paws this week as kittens began to vanish, along with the soft comfortable four-poster beds upon which the kitties of Fed like to take their catnaps. Ferreri of Spindle reported the disappearance of beds in six of her homes, and has resorted to sleeping in her rocking chair with a shotgun across her knees.
Yours truly had to rescue one of her own kittens, the Princess Whiskers, after Lusifer encased her in a metal box as a present for the wife of Furgas. Pouncer, the sister of the rescued kitten, vowed revenge.
The kitties of Fed have accepted the challenge, and will, with the aid of our allies, fight the weasel known as Poco by increasing the feline population (all for the cause, of course!) on every planet and placing four-poster beds upon each. Above each bed will be placed a picture of said weasel as a reminder of why we are fighting (and to provide entertainment as a dart board).
We will actively fight the increasing trend of using felines in restaurants by closing down pet stores across the galaxy and slipping mice into cooking pots. In addition, during the airing of the Catstravaganza, alternative programming will be provided on CAT-TV. The show on the 27th will be "Cooking with Weasel," in which Fed's favorite chef, Ferreri, prepares some of her favorite weasel dishes, including Weasel and Walnut Pie, Weasel Washed in Chicken Broth, and Weasel McNuggets.
So, Poco and friends, war you want, and war you shall have. Grab your cooking pots, and may the best feline win!
THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT DJENTSCH...
by Kella
Some days it really pays to log into Fed, doesn't it? You get the nitty gritty on high-ranking people that turns your head and leaves you wondering. For instance, if you were logged in last Sunday, during the day, you might have seen this:
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kella, "Okay... I'm going off to shower now.... There's no rest for this wicked wench..."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Gwarrior, "at least you are my wench"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kella, "I need to get a better-fitting wench uniform... I'm not filling this one out quite right..."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Squeeky, "squeek :)"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "i don't have one. this might be a good thing... not sure yet. still researching"
Your comm unit cra! ckles with a message from Kella, "Djentsch, ya might look funny in a wench uniform. :P"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "i was talking about the female companion"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kella, "Oh... well, so noted, then."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "and from what i've been told, i was made for uniforms"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kella, "Are ya busty? If not, then you're not made for this one..."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "i have pecs"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Gwarrior, "military uniform is one thing....wench is a bit different...."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kella, "Ya know, now I wanna see.... :P"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "hehe"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kella, "*pictures Djentsch in a wench's uniform* Dear Penthouse, I normally don't write letters like this, but..."
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "chucklesw"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "chuckles even"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Djentsch, "you know, the more i keep this up, the longer it will take you to take your shower"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kella, "See? It's the uniform. Not made for ya. Making yer typing ridiculous. ;)
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Squeeky, "thinks that dj would look cute in a wench uniform:::"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Kella, "I've heard that before.... >:)
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Squeeky, "is there such a thing as a guy wench and a girl wench?"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Jessecka, "Dj does look quite fetching in a maid's uniform.....so he might look good in a wench one as well ;)"
Your comm unit crackles with a message from Jessecka! , "I sooooo see a story in this"
Needless to say, I agreed with Jessecka. So, I crawled out of my hiding place on Earth and boarded my ship as quickly as possible. Setting a course for Marina, I set my comm unit to record anything and everything I encountered. Surely, I thought to myself, I would soon uncover the depths of depravity that Djentsch is a part of. After all, wench uniform wearing? What are male planet-owners coming to, these days?
Arriving at Marina, I found myself entrenched in Cold War Era-Russia, when communism still flourished. I had to hide from several suspicious-looking characters who, if the look of their uniforms was accurate, might have been KGB agents. Sneaking around the back alleys and buildings, I began searching for Financier Djentsch to ask him some more in-depth questions. He was in the Mustange Club when I finally happened on him, having his wench's costume taken in. He ignored me when I first attempted to get his attention, took his wench's costume and had a serving droid hide it, and then finally acknowledged my presence:
Djentsch says, "don't mind me. not paying much attention at this rank. not much to do"
Of course, seeing that he was finally paying attention, I peppered him with all sorts of questions.
Kella: Where do you keep your wench's costume?
Djentsch: (After laughing at me) It is hidden.
K: I see. Now, when did you know that you wanted to be an old-fashioned barmaid?
D: (silence)
K: Come now! Inquiring minds want to know!
D: They can keep wanting.
As you can see, gentle readers, the Financier was not being very co-operative. I resorted to snooping, something I am not above doing when the situation warrants. I did what any good journalist would do when the subject of scrutiny is being uncooperative: I went to the ex-wife. And boy, was she enlightening! I asked her, why this sudden interest of Djentsch's in wenching? Was it a gimmick? Or possibly a life-affecting decision made out of sheer desperation? Perhaps both? And were there pictures?
Your comm unit signals a tight beam message from Jessecka, "ahhhh, but maybe I shouldn't be telling you this ;)"
She took a little more convincing than I'd anticipated, and my bank balance may never fully recover, but I managed to get this ex to talk. Apparently, the decision to cross-dress in a period costume came about after a long struggle through the ranks. As a factory owner, Djentsch apparently had trouble timing and using his commands properly, and the vacuum of space claimed a good amount of his commodities. This setback would set the precedent for a number of other fiscal issues for Djentsch, which he claims come from his still-learning how to use his exchange. This cover-up is simply to distract people from his outright insanity, evidenced by the fact that he has yet to get the bustline corrected on his costume. I offered to set him up with a medical droid I know, one that specializes in artificial bust enhancements, but Djentsch politely declined. Yet one more strike against him on his list of mental lapses, the others including lack of proper hair styling and color co-ordination. Of course, you may ask, who is thinking of the workthingies during all this? Well, you'll be pleased to know that I took it upon myself to warn them and the factory owners, as quickly as possible, of this unsettling behaviour:
Stardate: 113250:2017 - Djentsch: Warning to all Factory owners who have a factory on the plant Marina. I'm learning my exchange. I strongly suggest that you don't have your factories set to the exchange. Else you will! not make ANY profit from those facs.
Stardate: 113250:4086 - Kella: Warning to all Factory owners on Marina: Djentsch is currently trying on his wench's uniform. Please be advised that there may be panicking and rioting in the streets. Photos should be sent to FedStar for further review. Thank you.
As you can see, despite Djentsch's attempt to claim that it was all about "the exchange and learning its ways," I exposed the truth to the public. The people deserve to know. I still have not yet received any photos of this insanity-induced fashion atrocity, but I still hold out hope. I may put together a collage for a future issue.
But, in parting, I leave you with the following words of wisdom, gentle readers: Be careful on whose planet you place your factories. Only you can prevent psychotic breaks; with care and attention we can all be made well. And finally, cross-dressing is a privilege, not a right.
Until next time, dear Feddizens,
Kella
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