FEDERATION 2 - PLAYER REVIEWS

ZARDOZ'S SCARY PLACE

THE MOST FRIGHTENING LOCATION IN SOL
ccording to Zardoz… But it's really there… Trust me.

Planetary Governor's Office
The office is simply decorated without being austere. On the large desk is a terminal and keypad, a holo of The Rift with Ritual in the foreground, a holo of Jezz and Zardoz and several data discs. To the south is a more comfortable looking arrangement of arm chairs and a coffee table in front of a large fireplace.
The window looks out over the storm-tossed Ritual Ocean, speckled with whitecaps and surging like a living thing. For a brief moment some grey leviathan from the depths breaks the surface then disappears. In the distance massive thunderheads rise thousands of feet into the atmosphere and lightning strobes between clouds and sea. Something coppery colored and very fast streaks across the window as if right next to the glass and it's then that you realize you're looking at a view screen and a feed from outside the station.

Jezz is here.

Zardoz is here.

Jezz is working at her desk.

Zardoz is reading PlayFed Magazine.

Jezz's communicator emits a beep.

Jezz looks up and says, "Honey, can you get that for me? I need to finish this article for Hazed."

Zardoz folds up the centerfold of the Alien of the month and picks up the communicator.

Zardoz admires the fancy buttons that are added to a staff member's communicator as he presses the ANSWER button.

Zardoz says, "Jezz's Massage Parlor, we never rub you the wrong way. Can I help you?"

Jezz hisses, "ZARD!"

Zardoz speaks into the communicator, "Why hello Hazed. What a pleasant surprise. We were just talking about you. Did you get my latest suggestion? … … No? Strange. I sent you 500 emails with the subject of "Size does matter, Women like big ships."… … I'll be sure to…. What's that? … … Jezz? Why yes, I do know where she is. I pretty much spend all my time with her. We were just enjoying a delightful time discussing … What's that? … Oh, you want to talk to her? I understand. I enjoy talking to her myself. In fact …

Jezz reaches across the desk and snatches the communicator from Zardoz. "Give me that!"

Zardoz chuckles and opens up his magazine.

Jezz speaks into the communicator. "I'm sorry Hazed. … Yes, he does. … Another article? … Ok, I think I can handle it. I'll send it out to you soonest. … Thanks Hazed, I'll talk to you soon."

Zardoz says, "You didn't say good bye for me."

Jezz puts down the communicator and rolls her eyes as she says, "I think you said enough."

Zardoz starts to examine Jezz's communicator and all the staff member buttons and asks, "So, what is this article on?"

Jezz says, "Well, not enough people are reading the Manual. So, Hazed wants me to write a manual explaining how to read the Manual. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I have to teach a group of commanders on the sights to be seen in Sol."

Zardoz nods as he examines a big silver button.

Zodraz has just arrived.

Zodraz says, "Hey there fellow Fedders…"

Zardoz says, "What does this button do?" Zardoz presses it.

A couple of Nightwatch officers appear and size up the situation. A robot trolley arrives and the sleeping Zodraz is bundled onto it and taken off to the nearest dormitory.

Zodraz has left.

Zardoz laughs and says, "I've GOT to get me one of these!"

Jezz exclaims, "ZARD! Give me that. My word."

Jezz chuckles.

Jezz says, "Honey, I have to get this done. Can you start my class for me? It's on Earth. Just start the class, and I'll be there shortly. Tell them of your explorations."

Zardoz puts down the magazine, rises and kisses Jezz. "Sure thing, Love."

Zardoz has left.

Starship Cantina

Your senses reel! You are amazed at the sophistication of its spherical interior.

Suspended in the middle of the room is the bar; droids glide by, delivering food and drinks.

Holograms of breathtaking off-planet panoramas fill the air at each compass point, while the beat of the music stirs your pulse and your feet.

You can exit to the terminus by going northeast.

A group of new commanders is here.

Zardoz has arrived.

Zardoz says, "Hey everybody. Jezz is running late, so I'm here to stall… errr… instruct you on locations."

The class looks up somewhat nervously.

Zardoz says, "Ok… I'm here to tell you of various locations. Do you guys have any preferences?"

One new commander, a little bolder than the rest, says, "The scariest. What is the scariest location?"

Zardoz leans back and smiles. "Ahhh… Young ones. I have travelled the galaxies, visited exotic and distant systems, and traded in countless Sandy Exchanges. But I have visited a location that was so horrible, so awful, and so confoundedly complex, that I shudder to think of it."

The class leans forward, intrigued, and Zardoz warms to his subject.

"On Titan, just off a small lobby, is a door marked "TRANSURANICS." If you venture through that door, there is a long hallway…"

The bolder commander shoots his hand in the air, and says, "Mr. Zardoz. You can't go in that room. You'll die." Pleased with himself, he glances around the room with a smug expression, and says, "It's radioactive." He nods to reinforce his statement.

Zardoz looks at him, and says, "You'll die if you don't wear the anti-radiation suit. I, of course was wearing mine. May I continue?"

"Anti-radiation suit?"

"Yes. May I go on?"

Zardoz waited, and then continued, "Now then… where was I? Oh yes, there is a long hallway. At the end of the hallway is a door. And on the other side of that door is…" Zardoz shudders. "A room filled with the ultimate horror.

Zardoz describes the room.

Hall of Spreadsheets
The vast hall is the repository of Federation Spreadsheets. On the walls, the floors, and ceiling, are spreadsheets displaying a myriad of computations. SUM functions, SUMIF conditional functions, and pivot tables take a stunningly large amount of raw data, and then sort and manipulate it until the raw data is re-displayed, now formatted, colored, and beautifully presented. The calculations seem to take a life of their own, and you realize that it is the key to life itself, and all mysteries of its meaning is being calculated and presented. And as you get to the bottom of the sheet, and the end of the calculations, and the answer, you see a message that sends a shiver of horror down your spine.
It says "CIRCULAR EXPRESSION".

The class gasps in horror. One blonde commander faints. But the bolder commander is very quiet, and then raises his hand. "Mr. Zardoz, how do I get an anti-radiation suit?"

Zardoz smiles and says, "Why you have to use the secret command. Here, write this down. The secret command is:

GIVE ZARDOZ SLITHY

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