Inside Scoop page 1

ZARDOZ'S REVIEW

Part II

Look
Office of Zardoz

Zardoz's office is lined with fine Aekonian woods. A large antique desk with a large leather chair is located on one side of the office. On the desk, in a gold frame is a picture of Zardoz's love, and wife, Sephorin. Against one wall is a soft, comfortable leather couch. Built into one of the cabinets is a wet bar and food replicator.

Asleep at the desk, Zardoz is here.
Sleeping on the couch, Zodraz is here.

Zardoz snores.

There is a soft beep from Zardoz's comm unit.

Zardoz wakes up, reaches over and presses a button on the comm unit.

Zardoz speaks into the comm unit and says, "House of Doz, Zardoz speaking, and no we don't do IPOs anymore..... HAZED!!!... Why what a pleasant surprise Hazed, why just now, I was telling Zod that... .... What's that... Oh, of course, shutting up and listening... .... The review? Why yes, it's finished, and I'll send it over shortly... .... It was my pleasure Hazed, and while I have a chance, could I just say... ... Hmmm... we must have lost the connection."

Zardoz puts down the comm unit and jumps to his feet. "CODE RED. CODE RED. DOZIAN EMERGENCY!!!!!!

Zodraz sits up and wipes the sleep out of his eyes. "What's the yelling about?"

Zardoz shouts, "CODE RED!!! Hazed called, she needs that review today!"

Zodraz sits up, and says, "But you haven't written it. You haven't even decided what to review."

Zardoz says, "Duh... if the review was completed, I wouldn't be declaring an emergency would I?"

Zodraz says, "Oh yeah, right. Well, what are you going to review?"

Zardoz says, "I think I'm supposed to review a planet."

Zodraz says, "A planet? What planet could you possibly visit and review and still submit the article in on time?"

Zardoz drawls, "I could review my own..."

Zodraz asks, "Isn't that unethical?"

Zardoz asks, "What's your point?"

Zardoz thinks and says, "It's no use, I can't remember what planets I have, much less what they look like. Maybe I can just pick a planet and review it. Where's my map of Sol?

Zodraz says, "It's on the wall. What are you doing?"

Zardoz picks up a dart and says, "Choosing the planet."

Zodraz says, "Is there enough time to travel to Sol, look over the planet, and then review it?

Zardoz says, "That won't be necessary. I'll do it from memory.

Zodraz asks, "Do you remember all the Sol planets?"

Zardoz says, "I don't remember. Enough with the negative waves Zod! You're not helping."

Zardoz throws the dart and sticks in the map with a soft thwap. Zardoz walks over the map and looks at the result.

Zardoz says, "Ahhh... The Sun... Ok.... Let me get to work.

Zodraz says, "You are going to do a planet review of the Sun? Do you think Hazed is going to believe that you visited the Sun to do a review?"

Zardoz says, "I'm not an idiot Zod. I'll tell her that I did it at night. Now hush, I have some work to do..."

PLANET REVIEW OF THE SUN
By Zardoz and Zodraz

Zodraz says, "Wait a second, don't put me into this."

Zardoz says, "Very well...

PLANET REVIEW OF THE SUN
By Zardoz

Nestled to the south of Mercury, and west of Pearl is that flaming giant planet, the Sun. Travelers to the sun should be advised that it is quite hot, and to dress appropriately. How hot you may ask? Hotter than the hottest blast furnace... Hotter than the most active volcano... It's even hotter than Texas in July. So, I'd go in the winter, and at night. Many visitors have their travel arrangements made by Galactic Customs, but you can travel on your own.

The sights are... are... are bright. And most tourists take time out to visit the ATM to get cash to use on their visit. The opportunities to spend are many, and a traveler's money seems to burn right up. I would recommend a liberal application of sunscreen probably on the magnitude of SPF 100,000,000,000.

It is said that a visit to the Sun will take your breath away... and your skin. But a visit to the Sun will give you a great tour of the Earth Hospital as well. So it's kind of a two for one deal.

All in all, the Sun is a wonderful place to visit, but I wouldn't like to live there. Just like Texas.

xxxxxxx

Zardoz says, "There. Done and sent.

Zodraz says, "But technically, the Sun isn't a planet. It's a Star."

Zardoz says, "Damn."

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