Official News page 7

REAL LIFE NEWS: FIRE + MORONS = DANGER

by Hazed

Not one, not two, but three different stories this week illustrating how fire and morons mixed together become a very dangerous combination.

First, a story from Nashville, Tennessee, where firefighters who were called out to an accidental fire had trouble keeping a straight face when reporting on how the fire started. A woman almost burnt the whole place down trying to kill a cockroach. It seems she had accidentally sprayed bug spray into an electric outlet, and it had caught fire. The flames spread to her mattress and then through the whole room. Luckily, the 92-year old old was not injured and fire crews were able to get the fire under control. She is staying with neighbours until her house is fixed - let's hope there are no cockroaches next door!

Next, we move to Reno, Nevada, where a teenage boy had a similar experience when trying to kill insects using fire. This time, his target were some spiders, and the attempted insect-o-cide accidentally set a fence and part of his house on fire. The home has been left uninhabitable and the family has had to find somewhere else to live for the time being. Meanwhile, the idiot teen will probably not be charged with any crime because the fire is being ruled accidental. The story doesn't say exactly what the moron was doing to try and kill the spiders... was he trying to light them individually with a match? Pouring gasoline on them? Using a blowtorch? I would love to know!

Finally, proving that it's not just Americans who do dumb things with fire, we have a story from the UK where a 12-year old from Tipton has just demonstrated why that age-old prank of lighting your farts is not actually a very good idea. At least, not in the vicinity of a can of petrol (that's what we Brits call gasoline). The boy and his cousin had been having a competition in the garden, where they broke wind and lit the resulting eructation. Unfortunately, right behind the idiot lad was a petrol can, which ignited. The boy ended up with 18% burns to his thumb and the back of his legs. Still, I bet he won the competition!

Fed2 Star index Previous issues Fed 2 home page