Inside Scoop page 1

ALT CONTROL TO MAJOR TOM

by Zardoz

The House of Doz Alt Control Center is a vast room with terminals manned by control technicians. Across the front wall of the room is the famous Org Chart, which details the many alts of the House, their assignments, and current status of the game. In a glass room overlooking the control center is a private office.

Reviewing the day's spreadsheets, Zodraz is here.

Zardoz enters the room.

Zardoz says, "Zod, how are we doing today?"

Zodraz glances up from the day's reports and fixes Zardoz with a baleful glare.

Zodraz says, "Zard, do you have any idea the challenges this new rule has created?"

Zardoz says, "Oh pish posh Zod. We have faced challenges before, and we will again. Don't forget the sixth principle of Dozian Economics....

Zardoz and Zodraz say together, "In formulating plans, Objectives are written in ink, methods in pencil."

Zodraz shakes his head and says, "Yes, yes... I know. But look at what is going on below."

Zodraz opens the sliding glass window so the bedlam of the center is audible.

Over the loudspeaker is heard, "This is Ookla to Alt Control... Request clearance to enter Fed Space to monitor company operations... over..."

"Ookla, this is Alt Control... Standby for clearance and vector... over...."

"Alt Control to Thundarr... You are ordered to clear Fed Space immediately... please acknowledge... over..."

"Alt Control... this is Thundarr... instructions acknowledged... exiting Fed Space... over and out."

Control Technicians change Thundarr's status to "Off-Line" and post the total Alt Count at Four. A large green light in the center of the room begins to flash.

"Ookla, this is Alt Control... You are cleared to enter Fed Space... Good Hunting... out."

Ookla's status is changed and the total Alt Count is changed to Five. The green light is extinguished and a yellow light begins to flash.

Zardoz admires the efficiency of the operations and looks at Zodraz and says, "Marvelous Zod. You are doing a fine job. But what seems to be the prob... Oh, hold on... I have a call. Let me put it on speaker."

Jezz's voice fills the room from a nearby speaker, "Zard honey, I'm sorry to bother you at work... but could you do me a favor?"

Zard looks at the speaker, and says, "Of course, my love. Anything for you, just name it."

Jezz says, "Well, the exchanges are running a bit slow, can you spare a few merchants, and I do need Ookla today to help with cleaning the house, and don't forget, I promised my mother that Sephiroth would be by to trim her hedges."

Zodraz makes a worried expression and mouths "No," as he shakes his head vigorously.

Zardoz says, "Of course, I'll have Zod get right on it. I'll see you my love."

Jezz says, "Oh you are such a sweetie. I'll see you soon. Good bye."

As the call ends, Zodraz looks up and says, "Zard, this is the problem. We only have five slots available for Dozian work, and your wife is commandeering all the alts for her various projects!"

Zardoz says, "Oh pish, posh Zod. You are over exaggerating the problem, as usual."

Zodraz rolls his eyes, and says, "For the love of Hazed, it's just a matter of time before disaster strikes."

"Alt Control... this is Sephiroth... request immediate clearance and approach vectors for emergency connect for Jezzian business... over"

"Sephiroth... you are cleared for emergency connect."

The board is corrected to reflect the addition of a new character, and the yellow light turns red. A klaxon begins to sound an alarm as the Alt Count signals Six.

Zodraz points to the pandemonium occurring below, and says, "This is what I feared."

Zardoz calmly shakes his head, and says, "Zod... never fear. I'll take care of it."

A Metallic voice grates over the central loudspeaker and says, "This is an official staff communication. You have been detected at exceeding the character limit... log off one of your characters immediately, or we will lockout a character."

Zardoz smiles, and presses a button on the control panel, "Fed Staff... this is Zardoz himself. We are experiencing a.... trigger malfunction... request your assistance with lockout... over."

Zodraz whispers, "Trigger malfunction? For Hazed's sake, what are you talking about?"

Zardoz puts his finger to his lips and quietly hushes, "Sshhhhhh."

The Metallic voice says, "Very well... please identify the character to be logged out."

Zardoz presses the button and says, "Thank you so much for your assistance... the character is Zand."

SPYNET REPORT: Founder Zand has left Federation DataSpace.

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