Official News page 9

REAL LIFE NEWS: IDIOT TEENAGE BURGLAR OFFS FISHY WITNESSES

by Hazed

Teenagers are not known for their ability to think clearly. I know this, I work with them every day! But an Illinois teenager demonstrated a very shaky grasp on reality recently. He's facing charges for burglary, and also cruelty to animals for killing three goldfish during a home invasion.

It happened on January 24. The unnamed 16-year-old and two accomplices (aged 15 and 17) targeted an apartment that was left empty after being evacuated following a fire the week before. The police say they "pried open a door and stole a video game system, CD player, 30 video games, 30 DVDs, a BB gun, jewelry and a safe". Quite a haul.

But when the residents returned to the apartment, they discovered their three goldfish were dead. The cause of their demise: "hot sauce, mustard, ketchup and spices had been poured into their fish tank."

So why did the perp kill the fish? After the three were arrested, he admitted the reason for the fishicide. According to the police report, he looked at the fish tank and said, "We can't leave any witnesses."

Weird!

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