 TOP TEN FEDERATION DATASPACE HOST
REQUIREMENTS
by Tickenest
Yes, I know, it's been a while
since I wrote a Top Ten List, or anything for the news,
for that matter. It's the professor's fault. Really. It
is. Anyway, inspiration for this week's list comes from a
brief "conflab" I had with Galinfenner a few
weeks ago about the possibility of my becoming a
DataSpace Host. I don't think it's happening anytime
soon, but it gave me some, uh, fascinating insight into
what makes a DataSpace Host. Therefore, I give you, the
Top Ten Federation Dataspace Host Requirements...
| 10. |
A
computer, an internet connection, and large
bribes. |
| 9. |
Must
be able to spell 'Cryptosporidium' without more
than 3 errors. |
| 8. |
Ability
to say 'RTFM!' without fail to every newbod. |
| 7. |
At
least a Masters in Propaganda from an Ivy League
school. |
| 6. |
Must
lose all self-control after just one Jello shot. |
| 5. |
(classified) |
| 4. |
20
hours of Hazed-worship per day. |
| 3. |
Must
have complete, intimate, and deniable knowledge
of The Incident. |
| 2. |
3
weeks of going door-to-door selling Federation
T-shirts. |
| 1. |
2
bottles a day, I'm told. |
QUOTES
OF THE MONTH
(Tickenest speaking)
xt God, why do I have such a silly name like Tickenest?
Your comm unit relays a message from Admiralrose,
"Do you remember starting your character?".
xt Yeah, it was a couple of years ago.
Your comm unit relays a message from Admiralrose,
"Well, at least you were sober :P".
Your comm unit relays a message
from Balley, "well we are outta here but resistance
will be futile when we return".
Your comm unit relays a message
from Andy, "Im amish you know... this is just a
wooden computer, I power it by churning butter"
Your comm unit relays a message
from Kahn, "Why is everyone so quiet?".
Your comm unit relays a message from Drbob, "we're
talking about you in tb's".
On seeing Bella, Hazed and
Cryptosporidium all logged on at the same time:
Your comm unit relays a message from Sitka,
"WARNING!!! Channel 1 has been dangerously
overloaded with Fed heavy-weights and there is a very
good possibility that the imbalance will destabilize the
rest of the Federation channels! Please hold your
keyboards tightly in case of channel roll! :::e".
Danteaf says, "I see your
contempt and raise you a prison guard"
Hazed talking about the testing
process for the new code:
Hazed says, "There are always bugs in any new code.
The trick is to fix them before you turn the code
live."
Ray winks and says, "you need any additional help?
I'm good at doing things wrong"
"No thanx, we have plenty of people to do things
wrong already", Hazed says.
Your comm unit relays a message
from Bartholomew, "So farewell then Jedimog...as you
feel the coolness rush from your viens, you just have
time to wish you'd had a life!".
Your comm unit relays a message
from Andy, "Dont make me use my spank ray!"
Your comm unit relays a message
from Aiki, "not sure I should Scottric after all I
am from the root of evil".
Your comm unit relays a message from Asriala, "Hey -
that position is taken Aiki...next best is "demon
seed"...take it or leave it".
Blaze says,
"Omigod...double-spy and rum ::feels woozy::"
Your comm unit relays a message
from Ferreri, "Deva said " Grmph froogle womph
nrgle weasel munf " !".
Your comm unit relays a message from Poco, "That
most certainly is not weasel".
Your comm unit relays a message from Edward, "it
means hello have a nice day...did you see the sheep
<whistle>".
Your comm unit relays a message from Edward,
"<--- expert linguist".
MOODS
OF THE MONTH
Em Eye See que ee why em oh u es ee
Twokool has just appeared.
Slyly Searching Shielded Sol Sites
Magesmiley has just disappeared.
Is 14.4 and AOL a handicap? Mavryck
has just left.
For your pleasure - Yeah, you Wish
is here.
Half of a B-Cup Marriage, Cup is
here.
Clinical tests prove that Scamp is
here.
You realise you're unzipped and
Barb is here.
Still searchin for his pants,
Quinral is here.
The person to ask the question
Whyme is here.
CLOTHES
OF THE MONTH
>ex coffeeee
You see a handsome mug disguised as a regular, fairly
decaffenated person! He keeps an eye out for a donkey and
a man named Juan...
>ex seacolin
It occurs to you that such a payment would bring you to
the attention of the Galactic Fair Sex Commission.
POSTS
OF THE MONTH
211040:904 - Admiralrose: ::looks
at his checklist:: All facilities running at 100%--Check,
commodities to run the time machine--Check, duke puzzle
up and working--DOH!!! Where's Hazed???
211038:017 - Beccai: >heard a
thru the grapevine that it is no longer possible to find
the GM to promote to Trader ..In the Future All must
search for Hazed toPromo
211038:020 - Shoey: Tis Not entirely true becca ....you
need to find galinfenner also ...he is first ...then
hazed for the promotion
211038:031 - Tajj: Ahh ..but Shoey... what you don't know
is that its Crypto that you must locate before either of
them... and ya gotta cuddle him too ;P
211038:036 - Myangel: Oh my you all! Don't you know it's
imperative that Barb be located and waved to politely
first of all???
211038:037 - Gilgamesh: You all have it wrong.....you
have to pick up and carry Crypto's mobiles.....he loves
that and rewards you with promotion for doing it
211038:037 - Lilone: cuddle Crypto OH my,,, that might be
vile but a perhaps a little cuddling cures all
211038:039 - Wayconn: After all is said and done you must
feed icedrake some planets to promote ;)
211038:083 - Jazelle: You've ALL got it wrong! You hafta
find yourself now, to promo to GM! ;)
211048:976 - Repoman: Repoman for
hire. Will repossess ships, porter's, and wayward
sorority girls for a fee. Call now!
211048:958 - Singapore: I,
Singapore, after reviewing several logs, declare that I
am no longer a mentor for anyone in Fed. Thank you.
GAGGING
OF THE MONTH
Elin says, "sorry your honor,
i dont mean to disrupt....but that man STROKED me and i
try to earn an honest living, lord knows its hard
surrounded by attorneys and and..."
Rikkytikki pulls out a LONG strip of duct tape and sticks
it over Elin's mouth.
OVER-ACT
OF THE MONTH
Vergin wipes another tear from her
puffy eyes
Elin offers vergin another kleenex
Vergin smiles at Elin
Jamel hands Vergin an oscar
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