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WEB FED NEWS YEARBOOKS Earthdate January 1999 |
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WEB FED NEWS YEARBOOKS Earthdate January 1999 |
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OFFICIAL
NEWS |
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Much was the rejoicing in Fed as Barons finally were able to tackle the devilish Duke puzzle... and loud were the groans as they found themselves stumped. Until, on Earthdate January 7, 1999 at 04:21am eastern, Jopejope made history, saved the Galaxy from a fate worse than death, and solved the puzzle. He became the first new Duke in Federation DataSpace for a very long time. Evilzoot, the practical joker, had everyone convinced a few days earlier that he'd solved the puzzle. Having been a Duke before, he had a log which contained the message Dukes get on solving the puzzle; he posted this message on the bar board with a note that he was due to get his promotion at Galactic Midnight. He fooled a lot of people, until GM came and he remained a Baron. It took the next person several weeks to catch up with Jopejope and figure out the puzzle - Cyto was the successful one, closely followed by Almandot. And they were followed in quick succession by just about everyone, as the secret of the Duke puzzle was spread around - a secret no longer. Soon the Galaxy was bulging with new Dukes, and to cater for their bewilderment at their new status, we launched a new class to teach them what being a Duke is all about. There was more cleaning up to what was allowed on planets, with more grumbles as PLANET was deemed an illogical direction to use when you are already in orbit. The unpopular handicapped system for events, which limited players to winning 15 hours a month, was dropped after the end of its three month trial. Malachie vanished, bringing to an end involvement in the Puzzle Reviews in the news. A new version of FedTerm32 was released, with several new features including Friends & Foes which alerts when certain ranks, or specific players, logged in. Terpsichore, owned by Rhian, became the first award-winning planet of 1999 when it gained the Carpenter award. On the web site, we changed the gateway and split off the links to all the cool stuff, so the main front door was uncluttered and led new visitors to the sign up page easily.
THE END OF THE CONSPIRACY THEORIES (OR NOT) Jopejope's promotion puts an end to some of the conspiracy theories that had been doing the rounds. The rumor that the puzzle was too hard to solve had to go; so did the one that the puzzle still had bugs in it which made it impossible to solve anyway. And those really suspicious souls, who thought that IB had deliberately made it look like the puzzle was back, but really had no intention of letting anyone promote to Duke ever again, also had to eat their words. But wait... it seems some people are just determined to search for the "truth" no matter how bizarre. The latest rumor is that Jopejope did not actually solve the puzzle, but that we promoted him to Duke to fool everyone. Apparently, he was selected because he's not a trouble-maker, and he doesn't socialize with other players and join their private parties. Well, if that is true, perhaps it will encourage all other Barons to behave impeccably in the hope that they will be the next one selected to join the massive conspiracy and get artificially promoted to Duke.
Last week we mentioned the need for commodities to run and repair time machines, and predicted a boost to the Galactic economy as factories worked overtime to produce the required goods. Seems we were wrong. Canny Barons have been stockpiling soya and other necessities for months, in anticipation of the ban on timetravel being lifted, and although their puzzle attempts are starting to make a dent in the supplies, there's no shortage as yet. However, a labor shortage is developing as more and more workthings are sacrificed in the intensive round-the-clock activity needed to run facilities, and desperate POs are now starting to use child labor to fill in where droids and adults used to operate. We have heard that a consortium of Barons is in negotiations with the main cloning facilities on Earth to produce a new workforce consisting of hundreds and hundreds of identical, cloned, workthings, which they can bring into operation when they run out of children, but whether the cloning facilities can cope with such an increase in their output is anyone's guess! We hope they don't start cutting corners on their cloning. It much doesn't matter if the workforce turns out to be slightly sub-standard, so long as they are capable of following simple instructions; but their main business of resurrecting dead citizens of Fed DataSpace is crucial to everyone in the Galaxy, and if standards start slipping we could start seeing people with an eye in the wrong place, or missing a nose, or worse with their mental faculties impaired, which is too ghastly to contemplate.
The favored method of trying to solve the puzzle seems to be the "kitchen sink" method using brute force rather than deduction - simply take as many items back in time with you and wander around hoping something will happen! Our advice to potential Dukes is to capture everything, read everything closely, and use your brain.
ANOTHER WAY TO SOLVE THE PUZZLE Last week we mentioned the "kitchen sink" or "brute force" method of solving puzzles. Now there is another way Barons can try - bribery. Although Jopejope has sworn that he will not give away the answer, or help people out with hints or clues - and so far he's stuck to that, much to the annoyance of everyone who thought they could worm the solution out of him - we're sure that eventually he will crack, worn down by the incessant nagging and whining; or perhaps he'll succumb to the blandishments and bribes he is sure to be offered. After all, everyone has their price... you just have to come up with something he really, really wants. Alternatively, you could try to solve it yourselves, by thinking about what you have done so far and what the result has been. Jopejope has shown that it's possible, and I'm sure he's not the only person with brains in Fed DataSpace.
Someone asked me today if we were going to change the puzzle, now that it has been "snerted". It's one of the unfortunate drawbacks of having puzzles in a multi-player game, that they never do remain secret. People cannot resist telling other people the answers to puzzles, for a whole number of reasons. But we don't intend to change the puzzle right now. I am sure you all remember how long it took us to get the puzzle into the game... we don't want to go through all that again! Oh, we may make minor tweaks from time to time to keep you on your toes... I was also asked why we hadn't designed a puzzle which was different for each person. Unfortunately that's just not possible. From a design point of view, there isn't a way to invent a puzzle which would change enough to make someone who thinks they know the answer do more than pause. About all that can be done is to shuffle objects and mobiles about so they appear in different places; and the programming of a puzzle which was appreciably different each time would be horrendously complex, if not impossible.
Ming's accountants are wringing their hands in anguish as they see their source of easy money drying up. They predict that by this time next month there will be no planets left in the Sol duchy. Well, maybe it's not quite that bad, but there are so many planets languishing in the Sol duchy, suffering under the oppressive (not to mention expensive) rule of Ming and his minions, that the new Dukes will have POs queuing up to join their new duchies. In fact they'll be able to name their price, and set any conditions they like. I predict the incidences of corruption, bribery and extortion in the Galaxy will go through the roof - and the introduction of the economic version of the casting couch!
Last week we posed the question, "Is the secret of the Duke Puzzle out?" This week we don't have to ask. The number of new Dukes makes it quite obvious. There are so many each day that if we tried to list them all, we'd run out of electronic ink! The Duke puzzle no longer consists of having to figure out what to do. Instead it involves waiting your turn, finding the objects, mounting the conveyer belt and getting processed through the production line. It's actually surprising how orderly Barons are being about all this. There's little bickering about whose turn it is, the queues are civilized and mannerly, and there doesn't seem to be a great deal of puzzle snerting so far. The evil twin that hides inside me has pondered doing something to disrupt this gentlemanliness... perhaps tuning to the puzzle queue channel and offering a big prize of free time to the next person to become a Duke. That might make the Barons push and shove!
You know how confusing it is - you only see someone in the shadows of a dingy bar, they wear an androgynous spacesuit, how can you tell what sex they are? It's particularly difficult if they used to be one sex but recently changed to the other - unless they are flaunting their new gender with revealing clothes or a big badge saying "I used to be a boy/girl (please delete as appropriate)" you just assume they are the same sex as they used to be. Well, you know what they say about assumptions. Almandot has written to the news pointing out that although he solved the Duke puzzle, he's not the Duke of Treempire, he's the Duchess of Treempire. Or rather, SHE's the Duchess of Treempire. Seems the newsdroids are the last to know these things. Fat lot of use they are! I think I'll convert them all to scrap metal and rely on a crystal ball instead. Anyway, sorry, your Duchessnesss!
A sheepish Magesmiley turned himself in to the police station on Mercury recently, confessing that he had attempted to commit a crime, with disastrous results for all in Fed. "I tried getting the roulette wheel," he sobbed, "and the game crashed." The large police officer who mans the front desk let him off with a caution, but an underling leaked the details to the press which is how we got hold of the story. We feel there are questions to be asked about this incident. Why was Magesmiley trying to walk away with the roulette wheel? Was he drunk? Was he trying to steal the furniture, in the same way that inebriated students walk off with traffic cones and road signs? Perhaps he has plans to set up a rival gambling establishment of his own and thought he could take advantage of the croupierdroid's momentary inattention to swipe the wheel, thus avoiding having to buy his own equipment? Whatever the reason, we have heard that the Godfather is not amused by this incident. He's going to be watching Magemiley very closely and if there is any more attempted theft or vandalism of his casino, he will be sending his associate, Mario, to pay Magesmiley a visit and make sure he does not cause any further trouble!
FROM THE POSTBAG: A NOTE FROM A SLIGHTLY TICKED OFF MARTIAN It has recently come to my attention that Cryptosporidium has relented in his attack upon my being. Now he has directed his attentions to my ancestral lines. Somehow our time travel secrets have gotten out. If you eradicate someone in the past their lineage stops at that point and all things down line cease to exist. My ancestors had done this in a small town called Horsell. Yes that is where I originate from, but has nothing to do with what I am so upset about. Why is it necessary to kill my race?? I certainly thought that we could all get along here in this DataSpace. Alas, I must be wrong. Cryptosporidium must be very upset with me as he has made it a requirement for promotion to destroy, eradicate all Martians of the past. We were just an explorer troupe learning about your world. There wasn't any desire to be hostile, your earth world was just so cold that we needed to use our portable heaters. Someone started a rumor that they were heat rays and designed to eliminate humanoids. Please set the records straight and stop your humanoids from killing us; if word reaches our parents, they will surely invade upon your DataSpace. Neither of us would like that as it would mean war of the worlds.
We've had some more suggestions of Ways to Die in Sol, which will be added to our grand list in the hope that we really can make it to the significant number of 101. The first on this week's list is related to a puzzle so it has been censored to avoid giving away any secrets. From Sparhawk: From Rhbraider: From Poseidon: Be the oldest persona in the AOL
version of Fed (some who have been around a while will
get this one) Poseidon adds, "I am sure I've died more than 101 ways over the last five years, just not sure I want to admit all the ways!" Any more ways to die? Surely some of you have suffered more original deaths. Email them to feedback@ibgames.com.
We feel for Commander Tica, we really do. A bright-eyed, keen newbod, taking her first steps in the Federation universe, and then - disaster. We know about the plight of the unfortunate Tica because she sent us the following letter:
Well, hypothetically, we feel for Commander Tica!
REVIEWER LOST IN ULTIMATE PUZZLE It's with a sad heart I must report that we have lost a member of the news team. In an effort to regain some dignity, the Martians have retaliated against losing so many of their own forces that they grabbed Malachie when it was least expected and put him to death in such a horrible fashion that we dare not mention the details. At first, we thought Malachie just got lost in one of the puzzles he was assigned to look at, but after being missing for four days, we started to worry. Of course there are some great puzzles out there, but even the highest honored ones only kept him lost for two and half days. We searched his office for clues and found an interesting request still laying on his desk with chicken scratched notes scribbled all over it. This mail asked him to come review an interesting puzzle that was sure to make his head spin - in more ways than one. It also stated that this puzzle was so secret that if he wanted to see it, they would meet him in the Cantina on Earth and take him to it. Following this trail, we found out from a waitdroid that a couple of very tall, skinny men met and disappeared into the loo with him. Since Scaramouche was late with his monthly bribe to me, I sent him in to investigate the loo. Remembering it hadn't been cleaned in over a year also, I sent him in with a scrub toothbrush and a bar of soap. Knowing he wasn't going to surface anytime soon, I returned to my office to wait for word about Malachie. Later that day I received a package with a small wrapped item and a tape with a note on it telling me to watch it right away. It was from the Martians of Horsell and featured Malachie. They stated that since we have decided to timewarp to Horsell and destroy their army, they will start picking off the important people of this time and execute them, Malachie being the first of many more to come. The rest was too horrible to tell you about, but know that he died honorably. He didn't start screaming bloody murder until they were within three feet of him. We shall miss him… except for the part they sent me to keep as a reminder.
Woking is a small town in Surrey, to the south-east of London. Most of you have probably never heard of it. But it is significant because it has an area called Maybury Hill, where H.G. Wells lived, and on its outskirts is the village of Horsell, the place where the Martians landed at the start of his book War of the Worlds. Last year, Woking council commissioned a sculpture to commemorate this - and now a giant Martian strides through the center of the town. When Barb was in England she went and took photos of the Martian, and also of Horsell itself, and now I have published the photos on the web site. So if you need a rest from the devilish Duke Puzzle, take a look. You won't get any hints to help you solve it, but you will find the photos interesting and entertaining. You'll find them at http://www.ibgames.net/stuff/index.html.
REAL LIFE NEWS: TIME STRETCHES Time passes steadily... tick-tock, whirr-click, and other clock-like sound effects. But blink and suddenly you miss something. Time stretches. You're another second older, but the universe isn't. There's an extra second. What happened? We're not talking about timewarping, or anything in Fed DataSpace; this is real life stuff. At the end of 1998, a leap second was added, postponing the start of the new year by one second. Such leap seconds are needed from time to time because the atomic clocks used to keep time are more precise than the Earth, which varies a bit in how fast it rotates. So, to keep the clocks and the planet in synch, leap seconds are added to clock time. It seems easier than trying to adjust the spin of the Earth. If this didn't happen, then after 10,000 years or so clocks would read noon just as the sun was coming up. Which would be very confusing!
REAL LIFE NEWS: TWO BLUE MOONS Both January and March this year will each see two full moons, while February will have none at all. The second full moon in a month is known as a blue moon, and it happens so rarely that the phrase "once in a blue moon" is used to describe something that only happens very occasionally. Today, Sunday January 31, is a blue moon. February last went without a full moon in 1961, and the next time will be 2018. The last time a moonless February was surrounded by blue moons in both January and March was 1915. There is a lot more information about blue moons at http://www.obliquity.com/astro/bluemoon.html.
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