 A CLOSER LOOK: WHO READS THIS?
by Elin
It wasn't so long ago that I
roundly denounced her as wrong, and wrong for all the
wrong reasons. Doesn't matter who it was, or why it was.
I thought she was wrong, and I said so, and I got a more
than a little sarcastic in saying so. So it was all the
more admirable when she TBed me last week to tell me she
had liked my last column. Really, I said. I sometimes
wonder if anyone reads that stuff. I read it every time,
she said, and I thanked her.
Mundane perhaps. Except I really do
sometimes wonder if anyone reads that stuff, which after
all is the result of thinking harder than I, a rather
lazy droid, really always want to think, and sometimes
also of rather painful introspection. So I thought maybe
I should write a column about telling the people who
matter to us that they matter. I had previously been
surprised to learn that I made a difference to a person,
who I, yes, realized knew I existed, but would not have
suspected of otherwise noticing me one way or the other.
But one difficulty of writing a
column like this one is trying to strike a balance
between not seeming preachy and gentle self-deprecation.
So it seemed a little self-glorifying to say, gee,
someone cared and I was glad. But wait, though....
In my last column I wrote about the
need to do something, something useless even, rather than
simply not deal with the pain of others. I illustrated
this with the horrifying images of refugees that still
fill the news. And then I learned that one of my closest
Fed friends may be sent to Kosovo. He is still a
reservist, since he only recently got out of the army
after a stint in Bosnia and Somalia.
So now the price becomes personal.
Is it still better to do something, anything, even if it
may make no difference and most likely will not? I think
so but now I no longer know.
I do know that my friend believed
in me at a time when I didn't believe in myself. He gave
me sound advice on the information technology career
field. This advice, which I followed, is the single most
important reason I am far better off today than I was two
years ago when I started to play Fed.
And I desperately hope he will be
ok if he has to go back into that inferno. Because, and
this is the important part, he matters very much to me,
even if I do rarely see him anymore, even if we go weeks
at a time without speaking. He matters. Someone matters
like that to you most likely, and for all you know they
may be wondering why they bother to do what they do. So
even if it seems trite to enumerate reasons for
gratitude, maybe we should all think a little today about
who is important, and why.
A
CLOSER LOOK: A HELPING HAND
by Elin
If a friend says, I need your help,
the majority of us will say sure, what do you need? Easy,
especially if the friend has helped you in the past.
Suppose though, the friend asks you to tie him to the
railway tracks? And suppose you see the train coming?
Wouldn’t you refuse?
Between the two extremes are an
assortment of cases where friendship stretches into
manipulation and helping becomes enabling. Maybe. Suppose
you are wrong and no train is coming, just, let’s
say, a hurricane? Ok, ok, that may be stretching the
metaphor a bit far.
Suppose a friend has asthma and a
lousy real life, complete with a live-in mate who is
determined to be poor because it’s the communist
thing to do. As usual, their landlord is taking them to
court. This time though, she also has pneumonia and can't
pull off the usual miracle. The eviction date is set and
the household has no income whatsoever. Just to make sure
it won’t work out, the boyfriend has had an argument
with the landlord, because, he says, the landlord was
rude.
You offer her help getting her
stuff into storage. She is unconcerned. The boyfriend
says he has some of the money. Repeat, some. You shake
your head, unconvinced. What she would like however, if
you want to help her, is a pack of cigarettes.
Yes, she has pneumonia, she says,
but she needs the cigarettes to deal with all this. Uh
huh. Do you buy her the cigarettes?
Now, imagine her telling you the
same thing about a bottle of whiskey when she is being
treated for cirrhosis, or a heroin addict with an arm
covered in abcesses. Do you still slip her the money? She
is your friend, and she has helped you in the past. Is it
up to you to tell her what will solve her problems?
And exactly how does this apply to
fed? Suppose another friend is enamoured of a brainless
lightweight who brags behind his back about how she has
him wrapped around her finger. She does, in fact have him
wrapped around her finger. But it bothers you that she
brags about it, as she seems to see him as some sort of
trophy. You tell him this, and he doesn't believe it. The
answer is simple here; there is nothing you can tell
anybody who isn't listening, no matter how hard you try.
But what about the ones that
listen, says you have a point, and proceed to hurt
themselves anyway? What if they ask you to help with
something that shows no sign of benefiting them at any
time in any way, but which they are determined
nonetheless to do?
What about if the friend is trying
to start a fight they most likely can't win, so they ask
your help, which is unlikely to make a difference? What
if your friend appears bent on seeking out humiliation
and wants your help?
Fed is about friends, they say.
A
CLOSER LOOK: SEX IN FED
by Elin
Funny sometimes how your words come
back to haunt you. You hear a child repeating them to
another child when he doesn't know you can hear him, or
crystal clear, you suddenly wonder if this is what it
comes to.
Once upon a time someone said, but
oh, we can't have sex, because people might get upset.
And some other people said, the heck with that, we will
have sex, just to demonstrate that lightning does not
strike. All sorts of names were called, and all sorts of
accusations were made, on both sides let us say, lest we
be accused of taking sides here, and in the end some
people had sex and indeed, they lived to tell the tale.
And so there was sex in Fed again.
This might seem like a good thing,
and certainly it did at the time. Then came the party you
couldn't attend without taking your clothes off. Players
were invited in off the spaceways and found themselves in
a room with five naked people and a vat of hot chocolate.
Or the casual drink invitation failed to mention that, oh
by the way, we are in a location that says you are in a
hot tub getting tickled underwater. And protests were not
taken seriously, because this is just a game. But what if
a given persona simply doesn't do hot tubs?
The debate over sex in Fed has
fossilized into caricature. We seem to have
indiscriminate promiscuity on the one hand and an almost
fanatical puritanism on the other. One is as desolate a
tyranny as the other. We did not have a sexual revolution
so that people would be expected to have sex with other
people. It seems to have become something like shaking
hands in certain circles. In the middle of a recent day,
no less than half the players in Fed were engaged in
cybersex. So what, you say. So, nothing. Except that all,
repeat all of them, were Merchants or below, and all
appeared to be alts of higher ranking players. Instead of
watching the soaps, some people are having sex in Fed.
This would again appear to rate a massive shrug. If it
makes them happy, right? All were reasonably away from
the main Sol byways, low-ranked for spying ease and hey,
maybe some people always dreamed of being in the soaps.
But in the soaps, nothing has
consequence. The story line just changes. They milk all
the drama there is to milk from the rape, the birth, the
wedding, the divorce, whatever, and in the process
cheapen the very real joys and sorrows and pains of life,
and then it starts over, with another plot twist. It is
possible to be happy without a crisis. Really. Rape
victims don't just go on to have their sister's baby or
whatever, the very next week. Rape is an assault that
cripples an ego, sometimes for life.
The danger posed by Fed as soap
opera is that those who see it this way don't see the
emotions as real or the people they are having sex with
as individuals. Some even write macros for the purpose.
What a waste. If the partner wasn't needed to conceive of
the acts, why even bother to be in the same room to run
the program? You could just FTP it over, and save
yourself that messy beam burn. But oh yeah, that was why
the Adventuress was not a Duchess, and the Trader was not
a Duke. People want to be on television, they want to be
interesting, and they want drama and excitement in their
lives. They just have no idea where it comes from.
What is the answer? There isn't
one, just more questions. It seems that a desperate
loneliness must drive someone who would make arrangements
to have sex while having sex with someone else, a vast
and lonely emptiness. Sex without intimacy is nothing
new, and will exist as long as people have deep and
complicated itches to scratch, and there is nothing wrong
with scratching them. The person who scratches them for
you should be aware that they are doing so, and on what
terms, but that is asking both honesty and introspection,
and some people appear to be capable of neither. However,
the fact that your duchymate doesn't participate in, oh,
naked jello groveling let's say, to make something up,
does not make of them a puritan. Perhaps they do their
groveling in private. Perhaps they simply don't want to
do it with you in the room. Perhaps they don't do
it at all, but instead do things to gardening items that
would make you blush. So the need for open-mindedness
exists on both sides of this issue, or none of us will
ever find the middle ground again.
TWO
CUPS AND A STRING?
by Tickenest
I know, I know, you're all saying
to yourself, "But Tick, what could possibly be more
interesting than one of your hilarious Top Ten
Lists?" Well, recently, I had an interesting
conversation with Uniquette and Barb about life, death,
love, and hate. Ok, not really. But we DID discuss
something that every Fedder wants to know about the Fed
server. Now, every Fedder has heard the jokes about how
Fed is run on a Commodore 64 and is connected to the
world at large by two cups and a string. However, I,
Tickenest, Fed's greatest investigative reporter,
resolved to dig up the facts on the Fed server.
My interrogation of Barb and Uni
brought to the surface many bizarre facts about
Federation in general, such as how much Uni and Barb want
to see me soil myself, and Uniquette's strange use of
punctuation marks as poker chips. Additionally, they
dared me to crash the server, but I, being the fine,
upstanding Federation citizen that I am, wouldn't dream
of doing such a lewd act. Still, I did actually wring
some info on the server itself out of these two.
Apparently, the server is NOT run in Windows NT, Linux,
Unix, FreeBSD, Solaris, Win 3.1, DOS, or Atari. Of
course, this means that Fed is run on an iMac. Yes,
that's right, an iMac. You heard it here first. Scary,
isn't it? Of course, this explains why Fed crashes so
much. Aside from the general crappiness of iMacs, Alan
likes to take frequent walks around the server in a
drunken stupor and sometimes trips over that one cord
dealie. So that solves that mystery. And all this time
you thought Fed was run by a hamster on a wheel....
No word on whether the iMac is
teal, burgundy, or chartreuse.
(Note: In my December 11th, 1997
article, the quotation I included from Hazed about how
much money she's embezzled from IB should actually have
been attributed to an unidentified IB staff member. Just
wanted to clear the record.)
MY
EXPERIENCE AS A NEWBOD, NEWBIE, ANNOYANCE
by Gramit144: aka:
Grammit
May 8, 1999 I sit down at my
computer reading over the messages boards of a Role
Playing game that I play (on the side now), when I come
across a link to a "pure RPG." Now they say
that "curiosity killed the cat", well that most
definitely goes for me. I click on the link and get
transported to this webpage with an amazing picture of a
virtual hotty with knockers reaching to Mars. I ponder
what this game could possibly bring about, so I click
sign up. I go through that whole schpiel and am allotted
two free hours. Now, the real test, I connect. Entering
into a world of unknown and galaxies far beyond. Screw
the newbod's guide I say, and enter into the vast
universe!
May 8, 1999, 8.06pm eastern.
The first word I ever typed in Federation is HELP.
I was completely lost; I pretty much hate this game at
this point and am about to explode with anger.
May 8, 1999, 8.36pm eastern.
I figure out how to talk and ask somebody how do I play
this game. He rushes over in his ice cream truck and I
follow him not knowing where the hell I am going.
May 8, 1999, 8.43pm eastern.
Three wrong right turns, and getting lost in a mansion
later we finally arrive at the permit office where I end
up getting lucky and only paying 150 groats for the
permit. We then head back up to Jarrows Shipbuilding.
May 8, 1999, 8.45pm eastern.
Ok, I feel great, like I am getting somewhere! This game
is starting to make sense, I just ordered my ship, in a
200,000-groat debt to the bank and start to learn how to
haul, and I am on my way.
May 9, 1999, 3.05pm eastern.
Finally free from the bondage of hauling, I make Captain.
Little did I know though, that I needed about 1 meg to
get a decent ship. Back to the hauling. But, what's this,
a job outside of Sol? I take it.
May 9, 1999, 3.10pm eastern.
I land on the very nice planet of Gossip and speak to a
person named Rumo. She offers me a job and hands me
1,000,000 groats. As you suspect I pee in my pants. Why
would somebody do that? I brush the thought of giving it
back and accept it happily.
May 9, 1999, 3.20pm eastern.
I buy my ship and start hauling, before I know it I am an
Adventurer. It's a beautiful feeling when you haul and as
a tip get 25 megs, it really is. I keep hauling happily.
Epilogue: Eh, so what if I
am still an Adventurer. I made it past the new part, so I
am entitled to this article correct? In conclusion, to
all newbies out there who are struggling, keep at it. It
really gets good and even hauling isn't that bad if you
get some nice POs (Planet Owners).
Grammit steps forward 'Hello, I am
a Federation addict, and damn proud!' He holds up his
arms in victory and smiles.
A NOTE
FROM DEZ
During the game of Team Flag
tonight, Hera related that a bomb threat was made at her
RL school today. Katheryne had posted a note on the
boards about a teenage girl who had brought a gun to her
school and used it on herself. In my own area at least
six teens were arrested at four different high schools,
for notes and statements of intent to use guns and/or
bombs to destroy part of their school worlds.
I'm fearful for the youth of our
time, and maddened by the outrageous acts of a small few
who think they are entitled to kill and maim innocents
around them. And the problem is escalating. My
generation's problems were miniscule compared to those
now faced by the children of today, never knowing when a
schoolmate might decide to use deadly force to make a
ridiculous point.
To all those teens who play with us
here in cyberspace, I want to tell you we love you for
what and who you are, and that I want to whisk you away
to a world where your only problems might be who's going
ask you to the dance this week, or what your grade might
be on the paper you wrote for English yesterday. Or which
event you want to play tonight. Remember you are loved,
and stay safe, my young friends...
SOL
EXPOSE: FEDRUCKERS
Stardate Thingy
Unit 211228
by Antimatter, Duke of Risa, Ducal Member of the Realms,
Supreme Dragon-Hater, Fed's Poorest Duke
My apologies for two weeks ago,
readers of this Inside Scoop page. I shall not describe
my absense in detail - no, not even the fact that it
involved a single person who tried to convince me to lay
down on an Underground track - I shall instead leave
everything to your imagination! Fear not, for this week
I'm back on schedule...with SOL Expose #3!
This time, we present a laid-back
look of a special location on Castillo. No literary
references this week - just a piece of Fed History.
Let's talk turkey. Oops, I mean
burgers...or is it tofu? Anyway, let's talk about where
Galinfenner spends most of his time. Yes, that
grease-filled, noisy haven that sprang up to replace the
old Samantha's Bar - Fedruckers.
This place is a... well, whatever
the word is that's the opposite of a tribute or a homage.
The story is that when Fed moved on to AOL, the
programmer had to spend 6 weeks living in a motel in
Vienna, VA (the Comfort Inn, soon renamed the Discomfort
Inn) near AOL HQ, while he ported Fed to run on their
computers. There were very few facilities and even fewer
restaurants, and he got heartily sick of them all. One of
those was Fudruckers.
Even the Demi-Goddess herself was
forced to eat in Fudruckers on her occasional visits to
AOL. She confesses that she liked the cookies best (over
the burgers!). Let's look at Fedruckers...
Fedruckers
This large bar is decorated in garish yellow and
bright blue, with rows of tables filled with raucous
diners.
Hordes of small children, many of them green and some
with tentacles, cluster around the latest arcade
machine, 'Martian Invasion,' which makes the most
peculiar hooting and hammering noises. This makes it
hard to hear the names being called over the
loudspeaker.
This description of a modern-day
Fudruckers is rather accurate. The tacky motif, the rows
upon rows upon rows of screaming noisy children and
corporate big wigs who have just spilled greasy
chili-cheese fries onto their ties, and who could forget
the arcade games?
I know I promised to stay away from
literature for this publication. I tried. Really. But the
second paragraph of the Fedruckers description above is
just too juicy to ignore. The Martian Invasion is an
allusion to "The War of the Worlds" by H.G.
Wells, the science-fiction novel upon which the infamous
Duke/Duchess Puzzle is based. The Martian Invasion game
is not only a reference to WotW, but also one to the fact
that the powers that be still plan to have a Martian
Invasion in Fed - as to when that will be is anyone's
guess. And, no, I'm not being negative! Furthermore, the
peculiar hooting and hammering noises pertain to the
sounds that the Martian cylinder emits in both the novel
and in the puzzle. (No, that's not a hint, and, no, it
won't help you one bit!)
As always, here's a link to the
pertinent information. This time, it's a link to the
Amazon web site that allows you to read reviews of
"The War of the Worlds." I personally recommend
reading this novel, even if I do have to have a
dictionary next to me whenever I read some of Wells'
works. Remember, all purchases done via this link are
credited to ibgames!
War of the Worlds
NOTE: Depending on which part of
the USA you live in [I don't know of any international
Fud(d)ruckers], FudRuckers sometimes has an additional d
making it spelled as such: FuddRuckers.
AGE IS
A STATE OF MIND
by Andy
Young = Innocent. Young = Benignly
Naive. Young = Push-Over?
I know for a fact that over the
years young players of Fed have always been a target of
criticism. If it's not for our lack of the right words,
it's for our age difference and inability to recall
"The Golden Years". I recall Kao once saying
no-one under 17 should play. Whether that's what was said
or if I remembered wrong, I do know I was 15 or so at the
time, and I was a bit peeved. Not at her specifically,
but that people would want kids or teenagers out of the
game.
Adult, in Fed at least, is a state
of mind, not a legal age requirement. Adult means the
maturity and responsibility that is expected of you. Most
adults do that, hence adult. But there are kids in the
game who have just as much maturity, sometimes even more.
When I was 14 I was thought to be a 20 year old. I was
always flattered and impressed with myself. And I should
have been! If you looked around at that time, there were
kids my age acting like assholes, and adults acting like
words I cannot even say.
I have been in numerous arguments
over the 3-some years I've played. And the one thing I
get more often than not is, "Well how would you
know, you're just a kid" or something similar.
Frankly that's one thing I look forward to when I'm
older. Then I can pull that excuse on kids too. To me,
it's the easiest way to put a last word into an argument
you are losing. Honestly, what would you say if you told
someone that an adolescent just proved you wrong? I won't
name names... they all know who they are. And some of em
I love to death.
I only wish I had written this
earlier, when there were a lot more kids in the game. But
now it is a lot different. Because a lot of kids are
gone, the topic of sex is vastly more flagrant on the com
channels. I won't be a hypocrite and say I never did such
things. But I sure don't remember it being like this a
while ago.
All in all, I guess what I'm trying
to say is don't treat a kid like a kid until they prove
to you that is what they are. If they act like an adult,
treat them like one. Because isn't that how you want to
be treated?
Andy,
Duke of Redwall
17 years old
GOOD
MORNING SURPRISE
by Chelsia
As I woke, I didn't bother to look
around. Why should I? I knew right where I was. I always
sleep on Sahara because it's my home world until I
rebuild one of my own. I know this planet like it was the
back of my hand.
As I was getting ready to order my
first cup of Sahara coffee when through my still sleep
fogged eyes the Demi-goddess herself appears before me! I
was completely in awe and uttered out 'Fancy meeting you
here'. I didn't want her to think I was sleeping on the
job so I acted cool and kept my wits about me. We enjoyed
a most pleasant conversation and I was so proud that I
ranked high enough to receive such a wonderful and
personal visit.
After Hazed said her good-byes and
vanished before my eyes I began to look around for the
most perfect spot to hang the "Hazed visited
here" plaque. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped in
shock as I came to realize that I wasn't on Sahara as I
originally thought, but had fallen asleep in CDs!
With my head hung low in
embarrassment I quietly flew back to Sahara and swore I
would tell no one of this. I would have kept it a secret
if it wasn't for that note from the newsdroid telling me
he saw the whole thing and that if I didn't tell all, he
would.
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