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WEB FED NEWS YEARBOOKS Earthdate April 2003 |
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WEB FED NEWS YEARBOOKS Earthdate April 2003 |
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INSIDE SCOOP |
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What was in April 2003's Inside Scoop:
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THE BUZZ I This write up of a recent fed meet found its way into my mailbag: A few of us got together in Oklahoma recently. Duke Spaun hosted a fine outing. Compliments to Mrs. Spaun (we tried talking her into FED) for putting up with what turned out to be some interesting shenanigans. Those in attendance included:
The real surprise was when Sirmark showed up. We hadn't expected him since he had long been DDed. It seems though that he keeps in regular touch with Spaun. It was found out that in fact all of us had been in touch with Spaun for quite a while. After the normal introductions had been made and drinks were served, and drinks were served, and drinks were served and... Well, you get the idea. Everybody wanted to know everything about everyone else; the families, where each other worked and lived, children and/or grandchildren when applicable. Seems the Duke was the only one with grandkids, which started the maligning of the age of the Duke. With a threat to close down the bar the maligning stopped. That's when we looked at each other and all realized that "Hey, dukes really do have power." Things started to get interesting when Spaun disappeared for a while (we thought the old guy was losing his cookies, or had just gone to sleep like old folks do sometimes), but he reappeared in a hospital gown and modeled it around for us, stressing the well ventilated rear. He then produced gowns for everyone. I think he thought he was going to pull a fast one when he said, "OK, everybody who has died before has to put one on", and tossed everyone a gown. He was taken back a bit when Bills, Cant and Narc tossed theirs back to him. Actually, we were all a bit disappointed about Narc tossing hers back, but that's another story. Bills and Cant both said that they haven't had a ship since doing the puzzles and hard to die without one when all you do is travel and don't explore dangerous areas. The rest did parade around in the gowns. Sounds of "I'm... too sexy for my gown, too sexy for my gown" erupted. Mrs. Spaun was in and out, being the perfect hostess, so we thought. As the night was turning to morning, she came walking in with a stranger. He was introduced as the Analyst. Now before you all go and do a spynet report on him, he doesn't play FED. It seems he is the duke's analyst. And he has had to make an appearance every so often when the duke has these "outings." It seems that over the past seven years or so, Spaun has been having these outings. The only problem is that he is the only one that attends... physically, mentally its standing room only. The Analyst went on to explain that this ‘ailment' is on the increase. His colleagues have also noted an increase in the individual outings that are crowded. They have come up with a few names for it. Altisis, alt ailment or altment, they all agree are better than the old fashioned split personalities. The moral of the story? Next time you're all alone, go ahead have an "outing" and see who shows up and how crowded it gets by yourself. OR, imagine how crowded it would be if Spaun and Blirish had an "outing" together. Surely a maximum occupancy level would be reached. Until next week, make DataSpace your playground. I'm always watching!
Yes, I have alts too. Not that they spend much time in Fed DataSpace; their only reason for existence is to own my three planets, Deep, Scratchwood and Cabbage. But sometimes Pugwash, Birdseye and Wabbit do get out of control... "Oh damn, my planets have closed again", says Hazed. SPYNET REPORT: Squire Pugwash has
entered Federation DataSpace. SPYNET REPORT: Squire Birdseye has entered Federation DataSpace. SPYNET REPORT: Squire Wabbit has
entered Federation DataSpace. Felina exclaims, "my goodness that's the 3rd bunny today!" Hazed grins "My bunny was the original one", says Hazed. "Spring must really be here", Felina says. "well you know how they multiply....", Felina says. Wabbit says, "Oh my ears and whiskers, that's right, the others are just imposters." Pugwash says, "The only good bunny is a dead bunny." Felina will get word out to the cats in fed.. "Oh dear, you know you've got a problem when your alts start bickering", says Hazed. give a brain to a monkey and Viola! Galinfenner has just appeared. Galinfenner has given Pugwash a warm tickle! Gwarrior winks and says, "long time no see" "Hi Big Boy.", says Pugwash. Pugwash tweaks Galin's kilt. Galinfenner says, "heh" Galinfenner locks down his kilt "I'm just onlining my planet again. I swear it's not ten days since I was last here. I think my planets get closed early.", says Pugwash. Felina says, "a conspiracy" "You're right, Pugwash. It happens to Cabbage, too.", says Wabbit. Hazed says, "Oh shut up. Sassy alts, never know when to keep their mouths shut." "Ah, we're online again!", exclaims Pugwash. Pugwash waves. The Sexiest Squire Pugwash has just
disappeared. SPYNET REPORT: Squire Birdseye has left Federation DataSpace. Hazed twitches his tail and leaves. Full of the joys of spring, Hazed
has just disappeared. Galinfenner says, "oops" Wabbit exclaims, "Oh dear!" Galinfenner has given Wabbit a hot tickle! Galinfenner rolls "Hazed twitches his tail??", Felina says with a wink. Felina laughs Galinfenner asks, "Can we put that in the news?" Galinfenner grins SPYNET REPORT: The Demi-Goddess
Hazed has entered Federation DataSpace. Hazed glares "That darn rabbit!", exclaims Hazed. Hazed chases the bunny away. The Rambunny formerly known as
Wabbit has just disappeared. "Uppitty alts, they don't know their place.", says Hazed. "I like my alt", says Gwarrior. Gwarrior smiles, "he's cool" "you hang out with him a lot G?", asks Galinfenner. "no not really", says Gwarrior. Gwarrior says, "he tends to stay.......busy" "he alot on his..... mind", says Gwarrior. Hazed says, "That's the problem: alts shouldn't have minds of their own. It just leads to unrest." "Right, joining unions and things", says Galinfenner. Hazed says, "It's not right" Felina thought that was just workthingies.. it's alts too? Gwarrior says, "it happens"
ALSATIAN'S PLANET DESIGN ADVICE I noticed Hazed sports a mood lately that reads, "Full of the joys of spring, Hazed is here." It's really nice to know that other folks enjoy fleas and thoughts that have turned to leg-loving! Don't forget to turn your thoughts to having your planet formally reviewed in the Chronicle by Yours Truly. If you don't write in and ask, it doesn't happen. It's been a while since I've published what happens when a planet is reviewed and what I look for, so here it is again. When your brand new planet arrives, still with the Slarti's tags attached – the ones that say ‘To Be Removed Only By Consumer', what should you make of it? Well, that question is easy. You design your planet to please you. Subject to the restrictions imposed by the workbench checker and Federation Game Rules, your mudball/rock/garden/space sea should be whatever tickles your fancy. The workthingies that have to live on your planet report only to their overlord and factory owners. I happen to be partial to MilkBones and Liver Strips on every location and liberal use of fire hydrants on the planets I design. So what happens when you request a review from yours truly? I consider a planet review a method of promoting tourism. Proud of what you've done? Then submit it for review and show your stuff to all of DataSpace. But be careful, now your planet not only has to please you but should please your potential visitors, too! The Advanced Guide to Federation gives some very good pointers on planetary design, and regular classes are scheduled in Fed on that very topic. When I sniff at a planet, there are some things that tend to make me sneeze and wrinkle my nose at the smell. First among these is an unfinished planet – Fedizens, make sure you have completed your construction before you request a formal review. You only get one shot at it, and those unfinished locations will never make it in another review. Second among the top disqualifiers for planetary exploration are those pesky spelling errors. Now, I don't mind a bit; a bone by any other name (or spelling) tastes just as good. But these ear mites, they can't stand to see a perfectly good description of a lovely green garden ruined by their inability to read through a page of misplaced vowels. Every time we pass a misspelled word they burrow deeper into my ear canal until I howl at the pain! Even if the spelling is right out of Webster's, check your grammar. Read your location descriptions out loud. Invite critics to your planet. Can't find a critic? Just tune 9 anytime. There's a whole universe full of them. When you settle on a theme for your planet, consider your audience. Should you decide you absolutely must design the planet around some obscure subject, you may have immediately restricted your pool of admirers to a very few obscure tourists. That may be exactly what you want in your planet, and some of your audience may really appreciate your efforts, but this reviewer may not know what the blazes you are rambling on about. I may have some enhanced intelligence, but the origin of my transplanted brain is still suspect. The Walrus of Merit Award is bestowed on a planet that the reviewer considers exceptional. Carpenter awards are given to planets that aren't quite up to Walrus standards, but are still worth checking out. What defines where this canine drops a Walrus or Carpenter? This is the part I really like – it is purely subjective. A really good planet makes me forget my notepad and drool in anticipation of the next location around the bend. A really good planet puts a visual picture inside this small doggy skull. A really good planet bribes me with 20 pounds of kibble... er, never mind that last one. If you're aiming for a Walrus or Carpenter, check out past award winners. Pay close attention to theme, descriptions, and the uses of events and/or objects. For a complete list of reviews of these planets (and other award winners that may be closed) check the Federation Archives at http://www.ibgames.net/archives/fed/index.html.
THE BUZZ II
Crime has come to the multiverse. Random sightings of the Crime Overlord, Leone have occurred, but before Ming's Imperial Police Force can make an arrest, a darkened limoship escapes DataSpace. One incident caused much concern.
Which promoted the Crime Overlord to break his vow of silence and apologize to the Sleepless One:
More information will come of the Crime Overlord as they become available! MND has the exclusive announcement of Priscilla's engagement to her beloved Cen. When asked what Priscilla thought of the engagement, the only response was, "Girl, I done got a commitment. We is a thing." I for one want to congratulate the happy couple! Ever wonder what too much sugar in your system does to you in space? Recently a favorite Duke found himself on somewhat of a sugar high. Folks watched in horror as the scene played out.
Duke Wyldcat amassed a great Navy fleet to protect the Candy Planets from the ravage scavenging of the sugar maniac. Luckily Rokyu Came to the rescue and pulled the Duke's plug. Some say he is still suffering from sugar withdrawal. In other news, the Mischievous Duke of Connor is up to his antics again. There was a recent trade of three magic beans for the Duchess of Mtnbrook, Heatherjn.
The Federation Diva, Priscilla will be holding weekly beauty tips and fashion sessions. To sign up, please TB Priscilla and let her know of your fashion dilemma. Some are easily fixed as was Gypsy's recent request of the fabulous nail color that Priscilla has been spotted with which has been the rage of all the fashionably conscious.
Until next week, make DataSpace your playground. I'm always watching!
THE BUZZ III Askhellion has been noticing an alarming trend lately. The folks at Slarti's are cutting corners churning out an alarming rate of non production planets. It seems that by leaving out the exchange, Slarti's can pocket close to 70% of the planet build costs. When asked about the non production planets, specifically Deitas, Music, Hell and Bots, Slarti's comments were, "What? They will never notice they don't have an exchange!" A whistle blower deep inside the plant mentioned that Slarti was planning his retirement soon. He also indicated that this plot goes deeper than Slarti's, looked around in fright and barely whispered, "Galinffffffennner." The Multiverse is abuzz with a new war! It's definitely one side against the other and people are choosing their sides rapidly. Is it Good vs. Evil? I think not - it's the Battle of the Sexes! The couple leading the charge, Embrionic and Insatiable, were celebrating their newlywed status when an argument broke out in the Cantina where they were celebrating with friends. Of course, lines were drawn and words were spoken. Luckily for Embrionic, Insatiable allowed him to declare a truce to have their honeymoon, but when they return all bets are off! And now it seems they want to get everyone involved. Who will win? We can only wait and see! St. Geiiga has been trying to convert the Feline Hostess to his new religion. With his brother in arms, Filbert, they encouraged Felina to find the way… or is it path… well, simply to find Gray!!
As haulers converge on Sol, Ming has decided to take drastic actions. Watching the jobs post on the boards, Ming has his goons watch the hauler collect the loads and then deftly rearranges the planets in the Solar System. Recently one was seen lamenting, "They moved the moon!... or looks like they did!" This is causing the stevedores to riot and protest on planets across the multiverse. Diesel is leading the charge in Sol to stop the madness due to the matter of lost revenue not only for her bar, but also for her extracurricular activities. "If they can't find me, how can I… er, how can they use me?" The Imperial Board of Transportation is looking into the details, but it appears that the confusion will not be sorted out anytime soon. Until next week, make DataSpace your playground. I'm always watching!
THE BUZZ IV More updates were revealed about the plot of Galinfenner and the non-production planets. Galinfenner is encouraging non-production planet owners to stock their wares and build for energy, promising returns beyond their imagination. However, they can only buy from approved planets which give Galinfenner a 50% kickback. Further discovery revealed the need for the influx of cash, the CHEAT command. Apparently Galinfenner has delusions of grandeur and feels that if he types CHEAT enough he will indeed overthrow the absent Ming and be allowed to flog on a whim. A raging debate ensued this week... Is Mashimaro a bunny or a rabbit? Apparently the debate was started after the Easter events when it was time to kill the bunny. Mashimaro's hair stood on end as the fighters of fed typed in "Target Mashimaro". Mashi immediately went on channel nine to protest his status as a bunny, "Rabbit, I'm a RABBIT". Some debated for hours but it was finally Halia that came up with the real reason for the bunny, er, rabbit complex, "Maybe Mashimaro is a small rabbit with a complex about being mistaken for a bunny...?" Whatever the case, the Squire Bunny was killed and Mashimaro can still be seen hopping around DataSpace. I, for the record, still think he's a bunny!! The public address system chimes softly and a voice says, "Would Master-Trader Bury please return to his ship which is illegally parked and is causing an obstruction." How many of us have sat in the Catina and heard this announcement over and over again?? Apparently Duke Jazir is fed up! Jazir mutters "Would someone please TOW Master-Trader Bury's ship? It's going on 8 years now!" The Duke of Jammer has found a new profession. Recently he discovered that perhaps his higher calling was that of a PIMP. Jamel even went as far as to ask Wolfyn to help him out, promising her a job that she could do lying down, and while she was pondering her answer, went on to recruit Wilde. Crouching his new profession under the guise of "Talent Scout", Jamel approached Duchess Esperanza, offering her the opportunity to wear sexy clothes and make loads of groats. Duke Insomnius quickly quashed that idea, but provided Jamel with the proper outfit and transportation for his chosen profession, a purple zoot suit and a pink Cadillac! So if you're having a TTTT party and are in need of some talent, be sure and TB Jamel and tell him what you're looking for! Look out Multiverse!! Baron Dragonheart has been shimmering across Fed! Once again, Duke Insomnius rewarded the first baron out of Poem a huge party and once again found the enchanting Dragoness Taliea to entertain. There was quite a scare as Dragonheart seemed to have a heart attack at one point and a pulse could not be found, but the threat of Duke Jazir to use electric paddles seemed to bring the Dragon to his senses. Once again, the Duke of Poem was the toast of his duchy. Because of his generosity, the good Duke has been receiving an influx of applications to his duchy. Makes me want to get a planet of my own to see what kind of promotion treat I would get!! For application requirements, TB Duke Insomnius. You won't be sorry!! Until next week, make DataSpace your playground. I'm always watching!
Citizens of Fed DataSpace are starting to worry about a deadly new disease that may become an epidemic. Malicious Acute Respiratory Syndrome (MARS) causes breathing difficulties, and makes the sufferer really, really mean. The disease was thought to have started in the poorer sections of Mars City. Originally a Martian virus chiefly affecting marsrats, it jumped species and now infects humans. The cause is said to be the way people are crowded into a small space which is infested by marsrats. Evidence that marsrats are the origin of MARS are the way the symptoms mimic characteristics of the marsrat - particularly in the craving for stale pizza crusts, and the personality change that leaves the patient behaving maliciously towards everyone. Recently, cases of MARS have been reported in other areas of Sol such as Cargon City and Earth. Scientists at the Galactic Health Organisation say its only a matter of time before cases start showing up out of Sol planets. This could have a devastating effect on economies if the disease starts affecting workthings. Our newsdroid spoke to a spokesthing for the GHO, and asked what it should do to avoid contracting the disease - should it wear a face mask? The spokesthing reassured the newsdroid that as a robot, he was not in any danger of catching the disease; and humans could wear face masks if it made them feel better, but really they were safe so long as they kept their vac suits on. The spokesthing stated that the search for a vaccine was progressing well, and there was no need to panic. Oh, that's alright then!
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