 ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE GALACTIC
ADMINISTRATION
Now, we've all been hearing a lot
of silly rumors lately about strange things happening in
Federation DataSpace at the end of the year. I just want
to set your minds at rest about all the nonsense people
have been talking.
Spaceships will not fall out of the
sky on the stroke of midnight, December 31. It is true
that some older ships may have navigation computers that
don't understand about the date change, but even in the
worse possible case, all that could happen is that you go
a little off course, that's all. And I assure you that
doesn't mean you'll go smack bang into an asteroid,
either!
No, as far as spaceships are
concerned, you'll be perfectly safe. And just to reassure
you, the shipdroids from Jarrow Shipyards have
volunteered, entirely of their own free will, with no
coercion, to spend the millenium night orbiting Earth in
a fleet of the starter special ships.
So what about teleporters? Just
like ships, they will be perfectly safe. The software
used in the machines that rip your body up into its
component atoms, fling them across space and then
reassemble them in the correct order has been thoroughly
tested by our highly-trained government programmers, who
ensure us that the chance of any errors on millenium
night are entirely negligible.
Then, of course, there's the rumors
about money. Your bank accounts are not going to be
affected, and you will still be able to access your
funds. Exchange prices won't revert to those paid for
goods 100 years ago, either. A ton of cereals will still
cost the same next year as it does now, barring the usual
fluctuations.
Finally, I have been in touch with
the office of the Grand Admiral of the Imperial Navy and
have been assured that they have very nearly finished
their program of testing the nuclear warheads to ensure
they are fully Y2K compliant, and expect to have them all
certified safe well in time.
CLASSIFIED
ADS: NEW FED DIET FOR EVERYONE
Are you feeling a little overweight
after the holidays? Maybe you'd like to fit into that
dress you wore in high school. Well come join the Fed
diet of the year!
Yes folks, that's right, the new
and improved Fed diet - guaranteed to remove 6 pounds
from you each month while you dine on the finest foods of
the galaxy and visit the most popular bars in all of
DataSpace.
You won't feel that you're alone on
this diet for all of the galaxy will be trying this
wonderful miracle at the same time. Feel free to gain
your own support team to cheer each other on as your 6
pounds magically disappear.
Watch the announcements coming your
way as real people testify to how easily they lose that 6
pounds each month.
SPECIAL
RATES FOR SOME OF THE LUCKY ONES
You too can take part in the
special rate that Pathologicaliar has nogotiated for
himself.
Pathologicaliar has been offered a
special rate for playing Fed since he doesn't like the
idea of flat rate.
After some hard negotiations, the
price of $100 per hour has been agreed to by both parties
involved. The rest of the of the details are still
undisclosed.
In the words of our own liar:
Your comm unit relays a message
from Pathologicaliar, "As long as it stays under
$1,000 per hour, that'll be fine with me."
To get in on the ground floor of
this opportunity contact Pathologicaliar at
Pathologicaliar@we_lie_to_all.com.
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